What I believe in
In my childhood I was able to live out all my emotions. I was usually happy, but I could also be angry or sad. My family were not bothered wheter I expressed my emotions verbally or more animated and theatrical. During this time I remember feeling free and careless.
That's why a formative experience in my professional life caught me quite unprepared. After three years of hard work in my first job, I got the best rating in the feedback round from my superiors at the time. The joy lasted only briefly, however, as the company downgraded my very good performance to average good without further ado, for statistical reasons . Without any explaination. Both, me and my line managers were shocked.
I gathered my courage and went to the managing director to discuss the situation. He told me bluntly that he was not responsible for “satisfying” my job. If the system specified in the company doesn't suit me, that's my problem. If I was lucky, my rating might not be downgraded in the next round …
An obvious but wrong conclusion for me
The lesson I learned from this experience at the time was that courage is neither rewarded nor supported and that I can only control my life if I hide my unwanted emotions. I also worked to prove that my job was good, now more, longer and harder, in the silent hope of gaining more recognition in this way, to free myself from the "lucky lottery for achievement ". Paradoxically, my longstanding belief crept in at the same time that I wasn't good enough, no matter what.
I got myself a poker face to hide my frustration, protect my wounded soul and at the same time only show strength to the outside. So I ended up in the trap of self-optimization madness , perfectionism and the constant, now overpowering need for control to keep my feelings to myself.
Asking for help or other support was out of the question for me. I was quickly considered very tough and even more resilient in my environment. I definitely didn't want to give up this image anymore. Internally, I felt smaller, weaker, and more helpless. At the same time, I tried harder. I cut off contact with myself by getting lost in my outer facade.
Crash landing as a result
All my efforts and efforts over the years to maintain my outer facade led me to burnout at the end of 30. From now on I stopped working. Pandora's box was open. Depleted physically and mentally, my life felt meaningless and other directed.
I was on sick leave for a long time and only gradually began to see my burnout as an opportunity to wake up and take responsibility for my life in another way. The only way I could do that was by engaging deeply with my needs, beliefs, and behaviours that I had confused with external circumstances for years.
Ask for help
I picked up the phone and contacted a coach who was recommended to me by a friend. With his professional support, I found a good relationship with myself, my needs and values. It felt like finally coming home.
My restart as a coach
Even as a teenager, I found deep satisfaction in discovering new perspectives, clarity and opportunities for our life paths in mutual discussions with my friends and family. When I gradually found my way back to my independent identity, this skill appeared again: So I made the decision to improve not only mine but also the quality of life of other people by supporting them in situations of change and orientation for individual solutions and opportunities.
From 2013-2015 I completed my mediation and coaching training and a number of additional qualifications to bring my determination to a professional level.
As a result, and realizing that my inner upgrowth no longer fits into the old professional framework in which I had been moving over the years, I made the following decisions:
I worked as as an inhouse coach successfully for three years. My clientele included both men and women in leadership positions throughout the management structure. I realized that especially women in companies are still regularly put a lot of obstacles in their way that they often cannot clear away on their own.
Today I live my life in full contact with my emotions. As a result, I have learned to deal with myself in an understanding and open manner by:
My mission is to inspire and motivate women to break their emotional chains and release their decision-making power so that they can understand what really drives them from the bottom of their hearts. I want to show women how to regain their essential strength to act courageously and effectively in difficult situations.
It is often difficult to reconcile career, family and personal interests without getting into permanent stress. So we are often exposed to strong emotions such as anger, injuries and fear. The consequence of stress is that our emotions take over control.
I am convinced that in the future we will only be able to meet the increasingly complex challenges in this world if we cease to make ourselves smaller in order to adapt where we have become resigned to the situation.
My wish for you is to experience the positive energy of your emotions and to acknowledge and integrate them into your life!